The Question that was Never Asked
Right before heading to Nashville, after a very full week, we hosted an open house ahead of a Saturday memorial service. Our home was filled with many people we didn’t know.
Notably, a man at the end of my table remarked to my husband: "This is such a lovely home! Allen, what kind of work do you do?"
Now Allen has been a stay-at-home dad for about 20 years, and I'm the main bread winner. When he gets this question, he gives a variety of answers. I'm always quick to jump in with his résumé: his previous IT position at IBM, the spreadsheets and IT work he does for my business, the bathroom he's currently renovating…etc. But he has a different answer every time, and in this particular instance, he said, "Mostly I play with dogs." The man nodded and moved on to another conversation.
He never asked what kind of work I do.
At the end of the night, it came out that he's in real estate development. I mentioned I was an appraiser to which he offered no follow-up questions. As he was leaving, he said he was looking for a job, so I told him the Cleveland Clinic has an open real estate position. Then his girlfriend asked if I knew anyone there and if I could connect him.
Of course I could. However, since he hadn't spoken to me all night, I only know one thing about him and it's not exactly the kind of thing that results in a recommendation. It was a small moment, but it’s the kind of moment that stays with you.
As women, many of us are used to being overlooked in conversations about work. People make assumptions, questions aren’t asked, and the depth of what we do often goes unrecognized. Not because it isn’t valuable, but because it isn’t seen and sometimes deliberately.
In this profession especially, the work is thoughtful, complex, and often happening behind the scenes…That’s a big part of why Ascend exists. To make our work visible, to have those conversations, and to build a community where women in this field are seen and understood for the work they do.
Looking forward to continuing it with you!